Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Nigerian Scam Redux

And here we go again, the Scammers keep shitting forth this their awfulness for you and I to clean up. Here is another fine example.

Hello Dear Willy
Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into a relationship with you that might eventually lead us to a lasting/intimate relationship.

I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple assistance of your help to safeguard my inheritance.

I am Miss Anita Darrell of South Africa, The only daughter to the late Dr. Ibrahim Darrell of South Africa who was a very wealthy Gold and Diamond dealer. Unknown gunmen assassinated my father after his return trip from Europe with my Mother. All the police efforts to track down the assassins of my late Father and mother has not been successful, hence I decided to flee to a neighboring country where I have been since as a refugee-seeking asylum in a refugee camp here in Lagos Nigeria.

Meanwhile, Before the death of my parents, My late father told me that He deposited a truck box containing US$18.5 M Dollars with a security company in Here in Nigeria where I am residing now. This is a contract fund paid to him by Shell Oil Company and he decided to lodge it in a security hopefully to relocate to Nigeria with my mother and me before both of them were killed.

I have gone to the office of the security company with the certificate of the deposit of this consignment and with the agreement that my late father entered with this company to verify that this consignment is still there but the agreement states that I would need the assistance of a foreign partner who will claim this truck box on my name since I am still under-aged. This is why I am seeking your assistance to enable me front you as my appointed foreign partner who will assist me in claiming this box from this company. The security company does not know that this deposited box contains money because my late father registered and tagged it as family valuables and art works for security reasons.

Therefore, you are to keep the top secret of this transaction until this truck box is finally released and delivered to you. I am therefore seeking your kind assistance in the following ways:

(1) To provide me with your detailed personal information which includes, Your full names, Contact address and your Telephone and fax numbers so that I can submit it to the security company authorizing them to recognize and lift this consignment to you as my guardian

(2) To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am only 19 years if delivered to your address pending on my arrival to your country for the continuation of my education and investment in your own area of choice since I am still a novices in the business world.

(3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit in your country. Moreover, Dear, I am willing to offer you 30 % of the total sum as compensation for your effort/input after the successful release and delivery of this box to your nominated address and 10% for any expenses that might be incurred during the process of this transaction making it 40% of the total US$ 18.5 M.

Furthermore, I want you to indicate your options towards assisting me, as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within fourteen (14) days you signify interest to assist me. I assure you that this business is 100% risk free, as I will forward all the necessary and legal documents backing up this transaction and making it legitimate to you as soon as I hear from you. Furthermore, the company assured me that you do not need to travel. Please, get back to me if you are interested at: anitasimple1@yahoo.com

Thanks and God bless.
Best regards,
Miss Anita Darrel

Friday, April 14, 2006

Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
  1. Free medical care for my entire family.
  2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
  3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
  4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
  5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
  6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
  7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
  8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
  9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.
  10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.
  11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
  12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
  13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely Yours,

One of the many Forgotten Taxpayers

Top 10 Reasons the Apple Dock Sucks

Top 10 Reasons the Apple Dock Sucks

The problem does not lie with the Dock itself—if it makes a great demo, leave it in—but with Apple's apparent belief that it is a complete solution. The Dock is akin to a brightly-colored set of children's blocks, ideal for your first words—dog, cat, run, Spot, run—but not too effective for displaying the contents of War and Peace. Read more ...