Dr. Suess Gets Juiced

A little bit of a dated topic but found this funny Suessical on Fark.
Imagine the TV coverage if OJ had recited this!

I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her in the head.
I did not know that she was dead.

When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was gashed from broken glass.
I cut my hand upon a glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.

My friend, he took me for a ride.
All through L.A., from side to side.
From North to South, we took a ride.
But from the cops, I could not hide.

And now we've been here for a year.
A year! A year! Just sitting here!
The DNA, the hem and haw.
The circus-hype the viewers saw.
A year! A year! Just sitting here!
And lawyers change by the hour, I fear.

If I'm found "Guilty" I'll appeal.
Appeal! Appeal! I will appeal!
I'll wheedle and whine; I'll cut a deal!
If it's "Not Guilty," so glad I'll feel!

**then this little ditty suggested by OJ's statement to Judge Ito that he could not, would not, kill Nicole and Ron. Ito's lines are in capital letters...**

DID YOU DO THIS AWFUL CRIME?
DID YOU DO IT ANYTIME?

I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

DID YOU TAKE THIS PERSON'S LIFE?
DID YOU DO IT WITH A KNIFE?

I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

DID YOU LEAVE A POOL OF BLOOD?
DID YOU DROP THIS BLOODY GLOVE?

I did not leave a pool of blood.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
I did not do it, so I say.
It's not my blood or DNA.